It's MAY!!!

Cartoon Credit:  www.adriennehedger.com

When I got up this morning the first thing Riley said to me was “It’s MAY!  May 1^st!! Look. I changed my calendar! I changed dad’s calendar!”

At least someone was excited.

It’s these little things in Riley World that can make me smile even before I’ve had a sip of coffee on an otherwise mundane day.

Was he excited that April (Autism Awareness/Acceptance month) was finally over?  A month filled with autism articles, memes and blue lights. I highly doubt it. For Riley is it all about the next special occasion. Once Easter was over he was fixated on May. Mother’s Day is in May. I’m sure being one month closer to his birthday ranks right up there too.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for bringing awareness to the many disorders, syndromes and diseases out there. Yet for some reason this month, I found myself getting more agitated (a side effect of aging?!?!) so instead I decided not to write about it and pretty much steered clear of all the social media “awareness/acceptance stuff".

And then last night, on the last day of yet another awareness month (see...cranky), I came across this video on Facebook. It was one of the first videos (in my opinion) that was honest, real and not sensationalized. A video about a subject that is often not talked about yet should be. So on this first day of May...I hope you will watch this video "Siblings With Autism". 

If you can't see the video...Click here to watch.

I Met a Boy...

22 years ago I met a boy. Even though I never dreamed it could happen to me…it was love at first sight. He had brown eyes, brown hair and when he would wrap his fingers around mine my heart would melt.

22 years ago my life changed forever. You have taught me many things through the years. I have questioned many things I have done along the way. I only have one more question…are you ever going to move out???  ;)

Happy 22nd J2!!  

Love, Me

J2 Reaches the Age of Majority

It was a mere 365 days ago that my first born was no longer a teenager. Today he is considered the age of majority everywhere. in. the. world.  What is even scarier…I HAVE A TWENTY-ONE YEAR OLD SON!!!

I was looking through some old photos (yes…J2 was born in the pre-digital days) and sat weeping softly in the corner reminiscing about the past 21 years. As you can see I have become a little obsessed with PicMonkey. 

From an early age J2 wanted to follow in his big brother’s footsteps. 

 

I was trying to come up with something sentimental yet not tooo sappy...after all we are talking about a 21 year old young man. What better way than through a song and as luck would have it I found these lyrics from the third verse of the number one song on BillBoard Magazine’s Top 100 songs of 1993:

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
But above all this I wish you love.

Happy 21st Birthday J2!!! 
I <3 you!

Happy Birthday Sis!!!

I could say how wonderful my sister is; how I have always looked up to her; how she is my best friend (well maybe not for the first 20 or so years); or how she is soooo funny fun to be around…but that is SO not me and she might think I was dying or something so instead I am just going to say…

Happy 50-something Daisy Duck!

Twenty Years Ago Today!

WTH happened?!?!  Has it really been 20 years!!!  No wonder I look and feel the way I do. *wink*  Now that J2 is no longer a teenager, guess I am going to have to come up with a new tagline. Harumph. Think I will save that project for next week.  :)

To my first born: 
You have made me laugh. You have made me cry. You have made me crazy at times. Yet at the end of each and every day you have made me proud to be your mom. I heart you J2!

Happy 20th Birthday!!!

Then and Now... #WordlessWednesday

J2 - Age 19

J2 - Age 2

Hoping to follow in his brother's footsteps...

J1 - Thirty-something

Back from an "Adults Only" Vacation

Get your mind out of the gutter people. Yesch!  Sooo, did ya miss me???  Tee hee. Sorry I kind of skipped town without mentioning anything. Call me stressed, call me nervous or call me maybe. Baahaaa…sorry just couldn’t help myself. 

G and I have rarely gone away together without the boys for a number of reasons. The most obvious being it was never easy to have someone come and stay with the boys when they were younger as R has certain ummmmm “idiosyncrasies”. Wait. What?? Oh heck…why try and sugar coat things here. Really it was and still is because Riley has autism. Another and maybe even more obvious reason is G is retired, I am a SAHM so frankly we are sick of spending ALL our time together *wink* and enjoy other people’s company so opt for separate (other than our family) vacations and that way one of us was always home with the boys.

Now that J2 and Riley are no longer “boys” (age-wise) we have come to a new fork in the road. J2 being 19 and an adult (according to him) is quite comfortable to stay with Riley on his own. Riley is very comfortable at home. Sounds like a perfect combination wouldn’t you say??? Yea right. I am going to assume at this point you are either in shock staring at the screen or rolling on the floor laughing your ass off. Honestly it was a little of both for me.

After much agonizing (keep in mind we were talking Vegas with 3 other couples so…) I could hear my uncle’s voice saying “What the hell!” His intent was not the same as mine here but I have learned to be adaptable. Of course this being the first time, I opted to put Plan B into action. Half the time with Riley’s weekend support person (M) and half the time with J2. A short training session for J2 and M and four pages of notes/instructions later…we were ready to go. My mom and sister are in town so there was back-up standing by.  

We are back now and everybody survived. Riley had a great weekend with M. J2 didn’t burn the house down the last couple of days on his own although not sure there would have been any counter/sink space left in the kitchen after another day or so. Oish. Gary and I had a great time. Lots of laughs, lots of good food, lots of cheap adult beverages and we did our best to help out the struggling economy down there coming home with just a huge “L” on our foreheads. I made sure to call Riley on our way home (aka pick up his McD’s).

Order, peace and calm has once again been restored in Riley World. 

Now that I am all caught up on my sleep and laundry, I will get back to my regularly scheduled blogging this weekend. Hope you come back for next week's Monday Listicles and more of our exciting adventures.  :)

Summer Vacation Flashback 2008#WordlessWednesday

Beautiful Moraine Lake in Banff National Park, Alberta

(J2 - 15; Riley - 14)

Summer Blast from the Past...#WordlessWednesday

J2 & Riley - Summer 2006 

Potty Training

A week or so ago I noticed on Twitter that June was "Potty Training Awareness Month" so what better time to finish off my half-written post than at the very end of June. Oish. Even though I may be the Susan Lucci of the “Mother of the Year” Award (pretty sure this year will be my year…tee hee), I am sure when you read the title of this post you probably pictured something like this:

Am I right??? Look how calm, relaxed and happy the two of them look. Can you not just imagine me and J2 or Riley like this when we were potty training? And the mom looks so pulled together...nice hair, clean clothes and probably showered!  Well...read on my friends.

Some parents sail through this period without batting an eye. Some parents struggle for a few weeks then don’t think about it ever again. Some are ready to rip out their hair; break out into a cold sweat; and the mere mention of potty training sends shivers up their spines. I fell into that third category and found this period was THE most trying time IN MY LIFE!!!  I will even admit I looked more like this…

For me this had nothing to do with having a child with autism and I think everything to do with having boys or to be more specific…MY boys. Surely it had nothing to do with my parenting skills after all I was already working towards my Degree in Parenting.

Like many first time parents, I thought J2 was THE most intelligent child ever…that is until we started potty training. Now I considered myself to be a somewhat intelligent person and I was pretty confident in my abilities even though I was a first time parent. Yup…that was my first mistake. Surely I didn’t need a book to figure this out. I mean how difficult could this really be??? Ya right. Mistakes two AND three...check and check. Hoping I did not miss that window of opportunity and believing J2 to be extremely bright (uh…number four) we started the process.

Having heard that boys usually take longer to grasp this concept I waited patiently for signs that he might be ready. Obviously I had no idea what signs to look for since my niece, who is 10 months younger than J2, was pretty much potty trained before we got started! *sigh*  

Without going into all the gory details for fear that the authorities might be monitoring my blog…let’s just say with the added pressure to have J2 “ready” (aka potty trained) for preschool, there were times when both J2 and I were in tears…at the same time! Needless to say when it came time to consider potty training Riley, I was so traumatized by my experiences with J2 that I was prepared to keep R in diapers FOREVER!!!

My reason for writing this post??  Well initially I was hoping to pass along “How to” or more realistically “What NOT to do” tips. The amount of information out there is SO overwhelming. But let's face it...I have nothing... nada...zippo. Did you not read anything above!!! So instead all I have for you is this; if you are a parent like I was, struggling to potty train your child and stressed out to the max…YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Try not to beat yourself up. It's nothing personal, you are not a loser alone! Diapers aren't so bad. Hey it cuts down on the laundry. Again...you are not alone! Why do you think they make Depends? I'll let you think about that for a minute. For the last time repeat after me…I am not alone!!!  There.  Feel any better?  Hope so.

Over a dozen years have passed and I am happy to report we all survived although at the time…it was touch and go whether or not I would have to enter rehab.  ;P

What are your experiences with Potty Training?  Do you have any horror stories tips you would like to share?

10 Things I Wish I Could Delete

For this week’s Monday Listicles I decided to dredge up things from my past (while I still remember) that have “scarred me for life”.

 

Here we go:

1.    The time I peed my pants in kindergarten because I had just started to paint and knew if I left, some other snotty nosed kid would rip my painting off the easel and I would end up having to play with the wood blocks or something else equally thrilling. See what I mean? Scarred.for.life!!!

2.      Toni home perms…enough said.

3.      My sister is the one scarred for life on this one but since I was involved... Matching outfits. Our mom used to dress us alike even though we were (and still are) almost 3 years apart and probably had a 6 inch height difference. That's me on the left (circa 1969). If she made the outfits, they were exactly the same; store bought were usually different colours. 

4.     1970’s Season Hubley Haircut.  I soooo wanted to have the Season Hubley haircut!  Unfortunately with poker straight, wiry hair, I looked more like the cartoon character Nancy (from the 1950’s/60’s) sans the hair bow than Season or hmmm…maybe that was because of the Toni home perm?!? 

             

5.      "Don't worry Be happy" song by Bobbi McFerrin.  It did not make me happy.  It did make me very cranky.  Can't explain why...it just did?!?

This jacket folded up
into the tote bag. 

6.      Weekender Wear clothing/home parties.  They boasted being able to turn the tote bag you used for your weekend getaway into evening wear which you could later wear as PJ’s.  If you were really "hip"...BIG floral prints and rolled collars were available.  

7.      Southern Comfort and Coke.  Think late 1970’s.  Teenage partying.  Drinking games.  That is all.

8.      My annual physical. Until they come up with a way to scan for every possible illness this is an absolute necessity. However the stirrups and duckbill I can do without. I will spare you the picture. You're welcome.

9.      The early 1980’s in general aka the era of the “Sumo Sisters” as my brother-in-law likes to refer to them. Constant dieting, big hair and fashion faux pas.

What I wish he meant.

What he really meant.

         

      Not J2's room but you get the picture.

10.  Last but by no means least…dirty dishes and laundry left all over the house by J2. OK so this is happening NOW but believe me when I say…
I WILL be scarred for life.






So there you have it...my list of 10 Things I Wish I Could Delete. What has scarred you for life???

"All Kids Do That"...or Do They???

I must confess…I am guilty of having said “All Kids Do That”.  Yes…I have.  Why?  Looking back, I think maybe it was my way of trying to relate to a “typical/normal” life.  If Riley did things that “all kids did” maybe he could do other things as well without some of the challenges that seemed to be there so often.    

Over at Yeah. Good Times there is a series called “All Kids Do That”.  I highly recommend you pop over and read some of the posts for some great explanations as to why, as parents of special needs kids, that statement doesn’t always ring true.  I can relate to so many of those posts.  For me I found the frustration I felt sometimes would hit me the hardest when I was exhausted from lack of sleep or from the stress of trying to figure out Riley World.  

When R was younger, I remember the feeling of not knowing what the day would bring.  Would we have a good day, a great day or a challenging day?  Some days I would be thrown a real curve ball…the day would start out great only to end in a meltdown triggered by something that up until then had never been an issue.  Along the way we learned that triggers were just that…the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak.  Like a domino effect everything that happened up to that point would come crashing down in a heap of tears, anger, frustration, and uncontrollable emotions as a result of a “seemingly” insignificant event. 

I recently commented on a post by @RaisingASDKids entitled “Raising Asperger’s Kids: O is for Obnoxious, Opinionated and Obdurate” relating to a similar experience of mine with J2. Soon after J2 graduated (just last year - 2011) he was really trying to assert his independence along with that “charming” teenager attitude that you hear, and now we get to experience, so much about.  These exact words will be forever embedded into my mind “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.  I’M 18 NOW!”  Yea…don’t the teenage years sound like fun???  Only this time I was the one relating an “All Teenagers Do That” story.  I instantly felt guilty.  Here I was doing exactly to another parent about her ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) teen what I sometimes found so frustrating when Riley was younger.  What I really wanted to do and hoped I did was empathize and celebrate with CM2’s mom what I thought was “typical” and, my favourite, “age-appropriate” behaviour.   

For all the times that you hear “All Kids Do That” and feel frustrated and defensive I say…keep trying to educate others and spread the word.  As hard as it is to imagine and look too far into the future, for just an instance, think of your child as a teenager.  Would it be that bad to hear "All Teenagers Do That"? Honestly I never hear the remark “All Teenagers Do That” when it comes to Riley because I think it’s highly unlikely to see a teenager having a meltdown in a grocery store or see a teenager playing with a wooden alphabet puzzle or see a teenager excited for the newest Alvin & the Chipmunks movie. 

While it can be sometimes disheartening and I certainly have some down moments (today being one of them), for me it would indeed be a celebration to hear those words “All Teenagers Do That” about R.  

Think about it…D

Happy 19th Birthday J2!!!

Ghosts of Christmas Past

Riley's first Christmas with J1 and J2

     Although J1 was born and raised on the west coast,                  At almost a year old, J2 was NOT thrilled
        having both parents who were born on the                          to sit on Santa's knee (neither was Santa  
      prairies he was destined for all things country.                          by the looks of it). Future visits were
        No Santa hat for this 18 month old cowboy.                           ruled out even before Riley came along.

 

Brotherly Love

There is a creek near our house that is a popular walking spot for families (its wide gravel path can even accommodate those all terrain strollers), people looking for exercise, and pet owners.  Most pets are off-leash which typically isn’t a problem unless of course you have very small children, you have kids who are nervous around dogs or you have owners who let their dogs run amok.  Our boys fall into the second category.        

J2 was in grade 5 or 6 and going for a walk or doing anything, for that matter, with your family wasn’t exactly on his top 10 list of things to do.  It was a beautiful day and rather than have to listen to his mother (excellent decision on his part) he decided to go along with G and R. 

When they got home J2 storms into the house grumbling “I’m NEVER going for a walk with them again!  Talk about embarrassing!!”  I apprehensively asked, “What happened?”  J2:  “It’s dad.  He swore at someone.”  Oish.  Apparently a dog came bounding around a corner and jumped up on R.  The following conversation ensued:

G:         You know, you should really have your dog on a leash.
Lady:    Well I really don’t have to.  It’s an off-leash trail he doesn’t have to be on a leash.

G:         Well that’s not really true.  He has to be under control and he just jumped up on my son who         

            is afraid of dogs and has autism.    

Lady:    Well maybe you should go walk someplace else then.  To which G responded:

G:         Well maybe you should just kiss my A**!

I know I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions when J2 first stormed in the house.  But I did.  I guess the look of relief was pretty obvious to J2 as he asked me “Why?  What did you think happened?”  When I told him I thought maybe something happened with R, he gave me a look like why would I ever think that?!?!? 

Now I’m pretty sure I’m not alone when I say as a parent, we all pretty much know there will be a time when anything and everything we do will cause our kids to be embarrassed.  I wasn’t quite so sure if the same applied to siblings…specifically siblings with special needs.  I realized then, much to my relief, the thought of being embarrassed by R had never crossed J2’s mind even at that age.    

Thank goodness for brothers like J1 and J2!   

Happy Halloween!!!

Riley's first Halloween with J2

The enthusiasm on their faces says it all doesn't it! 

What Do YOU See???

Do you see a donkey or seal or both???

 

Now I’m sure at one time or another we’ve all experienced the looks from strangers that have made us feel so inadequate as a parent that we felt like crawling under the proverbial rock.  I remember being at a shopping mall with my mom when the boys were probably only about 2 and 3 at the time. 

In one particular store they had a train that went around a track just below the ceiling.  Perfect!  Both boys LOVED trains.  We watched and watched and watched.  Not quite the “experienced” parent that I am today (tee hee)…without any warning I announce in my most sing-song motherly voice “Time to go” as I proceed to walk out of the store.  I can hear you gasp in horror about now. 

One of the boys wandered out of the store, the other immediately threw himself on the floor at the entrance to the store flailing around like a fish out of water while exercising his vocal chords in hopes that anybody within a 1 mile radius would come and rescue him.  My mother calmly took my other son to wait at a nearby bench.  At this point I am wishing I was a wrestler in a previous life.  After somehow managing to scoop up this octopus of a child without either of us getting seriously injured, I work my way over to my mother.  I felt and looked like I had just gotten out of a steam bath.  Sitting behind my mother was a grandmotherly looking woman.  I know I shouldn’t stereotype just because she had grey hair and a cane…but I did.  Just as I got there, she turned around and said “What he needs is a good smack!”  Are you gasping again???  Now I do not like conflict, have never been good at thinking on my feet and will do just about anything to avoid a confrontation.  This time was no different.  *Sigh*  Thinking back I could’ve and should’ve explained my son’s behaviour with the hope of bringing her some awareness of autism.  Unfortunately at that specific time, we did not know Riley had autism and it was J2 who was sprawled all over the floor.  Oish. 

Things aren't always what they seem.  

Think about it…D