F is for Fans

I am going to do a Flashback post for this one as nothing has really changed with the exception that I have a much wider variety of personal fans. I originally wrote this back in 2012 and I am STILL having hot flashes!!  WTH!!!

I decided to revise the original title “My BEST Friend”. I now present to you…

“FOREVER Friends!!!” 

If you’ve reached the point in your life when you are having your own "personal summers" even when it’s snowing outside…I have THE solution for you.  Fellow flashers you know what I'm talking about...“HOT FLASHES”. You can feel it coming on and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it short of taking off ALL your clothes and rolling around in the snow.  Seriously.  I began to suffer (and I do mean suffer) from hot flashes very shortly after being forced into menopause (back in 2006 due to chemo).  Meds following that only exasperated the frequency and intensity.  

It's hard to You can't imagine (speaking from experience) what hot flashes are all about until you have had one. If you "think" you have had one...trust me...you have NOT!  Now some women have them only at specific times; day OR evening OR when they sleep.  I, who never wins anything EVER, hit the jackpot and seem to get them ALL.THE.TIME! 

All of a sudden you start to feel warm and tingly from the inside out.  In a nanosecond you have sweat beads dripping down your face, steam is emanating from your neckline (turtle necks are no longer an option) and you feel as if you are going to spontaneously combust.  I’m pretty sure hell is not nearly as hot.  Sure it may only be 3-5 minutes from start to finish (just feels like forever) but then 5 minutes after "the flash" you are pretty sure hypothermia is setting in due to excessive heat loss. 

They can happen anywhere and usually at the most inopportune time. Like when you are shopping and are finally ready to pay and the cashier (who appears to be no older than 12) does a double-take and then proceeds to avoid eye contact because you look like you have just completed a marathon. 

When I originally wrote this, I had a handheld fan made by Brookstone. They no longer make that particular model. I took it everywhere I went; restaurants, movies, parties, yes parties and on vacations. I don't have to tell you, it was a very sad day when they discontinued making it. Not to worry I have found alternate models. 

My newest "Hands-free" model.

A Glass Half Empty...

My glass has been half empty this week. Every so often things seem to wear me down. The change in weather…could be; added stress of R’s EEG…maybe; lack of exercise…absolutely NOT! Whatever it was…sometimes things are just blah. I am sure I am not the only one out there that has these moments. Right???

I mean the weather has definitely changed. The rain has started and with DST it seems like it is dark most of our waking hours.

Stressed out more than usual? Well if wearing my mouth guard all day is a sign…OK…slight exaggeration but my teeth feel like they are going to crack from clenching so hard. Since I did spend an awful lot of time in the dentist’s chair earlier this year it would suck  be a total waste of money be a darn shame if anything happened so instead I chose to refill my half empty glass.    

G is of the opinion I should reduce my alcohol intake. Yea…like THAT’s gonna happen! I mean I would…only I have worked really, REALLY hard to get to where I am and I am NOT a quitter!  :)

Sure I could probably use more  some exercise to have more energy and of course for fitness. One of the things that I blame for my recent physical demise is this thing called menopause. It sucks! The other is the fact that I detest exercise more than my muffin top and back fat. *sigh*

So until my big girl panties get too small (at which point I will move on to “Granny undies”…you do remember how I feel about exercise right?) I will restock the fridge regroup over the weekend and repair my rose coloured glasses with some duct tape cuz that’s how we roll in Riley World. 

Be sure to come back on Monday and prepare yourself to be enlightened with this week's Monday Listicles.

Puberty at 50 (aka Menopause)

I guess it’s only fair since I shared with you how puberty at 16 affected our household that I also share with you my in-depth analysis of puberty at 50 (aka menopause) having “recently” turned 50. Let me just start by saying that everything I had read and brushed off as ridiculous or declared THAT would NEVER happen to ME……has definitely happened to me!!!  

I started to write when I suddenly remembered a YouTube video I had watched a few years ago. Sandra Shamas is a Canadian comedic actress and writer. I highly recommend you watch her video about menopause as she took the words right out of my mouth (in more ways than one).  Tee hee.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Watch Sandra Shamas on YouTube

My BEST Friend!!!

THE..BEST..FAN..EVER!!!
(Made by Brookstone - Runs on 4AA's)

If you’ve reached the point in your life when you are having your own "personal summers" even when it’s snowing outside…I have THE solution for you.  Fellow flashers you know what I'm talking about...“HOT FLASHES”. You can feel it coming on and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it short of taking off ALL your clothes and rolling around in the snow.  Seriously.  I began to suffer (and I do mean suffer) from hot flashes very shortly after being forced into menopause (due to chemo).  Meds following that only exasperated the frequency and intensity.  

It's hard to You can't imagine (speaking from experience) what hot flashes are all about until you have had one. If you "think" you have had one...trust me...you haven't!  Now some women have them only at specific times; day OR evening OR when they sleep.  I, who never wins anything EVER, hit the jackpot and seem to get them ALL.THE.TIME!

All of a sudden you start to feel warm and tingly from the inside out.  In a nanosecond you have sweat beads dripping down your face, steam is emanating from your neckline (turtle necks are no longer an option) and you feel as if you are going to spontaneously combust.  I’m pretty sure hell is not nearly as hot.  Sure it may only be 3-5 minutes from start to finish (just feels like forever) but then 5 minutes after "the flash" you are pretty sure hypothermia is setting in due to excessive heat loss. 

They can happen anywhere, at any time. Nobody is spared. If you are "lucky" enough to be out shopping together with your teenager, chances are you will be fine until such time that you are paying for said teenager’s items and the cashier (who appears to be no older than 12) does a double-take and then proceeds to avoid eye contact at all costs. Epic embarrassment all around.

Back to my solution…I had tried more than a few handheld fans before I came across this beauty.  It was a little larger than I would have liked but it had more pros than cons. It has a built-in stand, a range of speeds and is very quiet. It is small enough to carry in your purse and runs on 4AA batteries. I literally take it everywhere I go; restaurants, movies, parties, yes parties and on vacations. Living in Canada, I have only been able to buy this fan in the US.  It is made by Brookstone and unfortunately I could not find it on-line at the time of writing this post. In the past I have been able to replenish my inventory from their airport or shopping mall outlets.  They came in a variety of colours, I opted for the black one - versatile for either dressy or casual occasions. The last time I bought them they were $20 each or 2 for $30 US. Very reasonable in comparison to the cost of bail for indecent exposure.     

All I can say is I wish I was the Canadian distributor. 

Autism vs. Menopause

I can’t help but notice some similarities between autism and menopause lately.  Of course if you haven’t experienced any form of menopause (pre, peri or post) or never will (the male species) you may not be able to relate to my newest “DOT” (definition: D’s personal theory).  To keep this posting from dragging on and on, I’m only going to comment from my perspective as a person with menopause. 

#1 - Preference for routine…less flexibility:  I was going to have a shower the other morning and noticed that G had cleaned the tub.  Whoa…whoa ladies…I’m sure some of you are thinking how wonderful G must be to be cleaning bathrooms.  Trust me when I say there is not enough space on the World Wide Web so don’t get me started on the topic of G! 

Anyways, I started to wash my hair.  For some reason I was unable to get any kind lather happening.  I was very confused?!?  Thoughts went through my mind… I did wash my hair yesterday; it shouldn’t be that dirty…I don’t think I used a lot of product.   It took me a couple of minutes before I realized I had grabbed the wrong bottle…yes, I was trying to wash my hair with conditioner.  Obviously G had overlooked the fact that the shampoo bottle should be ON THE LEFT!!!  Geeezzz!

#2 – Decrease in ability to multi-task when performing less desirable activities:  I don’t know how many times I go up and down the stairs and it’s not because I want the exercise.  I seem to have the attention span of a gnat and memory capacity of a pea.  Why I can’t remember to put in the laundry AND bring up R’s cheerios is beyond me.  I now have a strategy to lessen the frustration.  I just keep repeating “cheerios…cheerios…cheerios” the entire time.  Unfortunately if the mantra is interrupted…lucky me gets to add another set of stairs to the tally for the day.

#3 – Extreme difficulty processing verbal information:  When my girlfriends and I used to get together back in our 20’s and 30’s, we usually had at least 3 or 4 conversations going on at the same time.  Not all that unusual for a group of women.  We would sometimes cut each other off; we would talk over one another and occasionally even complete each others’ sentences to keep the conversation moving at warp speed.  This is all due to a condition I think most women suffer from, coined by my niece Rebecca, known as “FOMO” aka Fear of Missing Out.  In the last 2 or 3 years, this is no longer possible.  Think gnat and pea.  We have reverted back to preschool days and take turns talking using our good listening ears.  No one interrupts and if you have something to say you basically stop listening to the conversation so as not to forget your comment which will be totally unrelated by the time you get to share it with everyone.  If more than one conversation occurs, this will lead to anxiety and confusion down the road. 

#4 - Sleep Deprivation:  Sleeping patterns have now become a topic of conversation amongst my “maturing” friends.  I have never been a particularly good sleeper so was shocked to hear that some people actually sleep through an entire night without waking up!  For them, waking up just once is considered sleep deprivation.  Give me a break (I’m rolling my eyes here)…moving on.  Waking up 2-3 times a night is not that unusual for me.  However now it’s because my core temperature has risen to over 110 degrees; my eyeballs are floating because I had that sip of water just after dinner or I’m now freezing to death because the sweat from previously waking up has now formed ice crystals all over my body!  I guess I should consider myself lucky as some of my friends have reported having to change the sheets in the middle of the night and it’s not because of leaky Depends.  I’ll leave it at that.       

I guess the one consolation about all of this is at my age…I really don’t care any more.  ;P  D