I'm Back......but only until Friday!

YIKES!!!

Yes you read that right. My last regatta of the season is this coming weekend. Out of town. TWO weekends in a row! How often does that happen?  While some might be thinking "What's the big deal?!?" and some might be thinking "You get to go away ALONE!!!"...it is true that at 19, Riley is better able to cope with me being away. Yet there still is a certain amount of ummm stress for the three of us.

For Riley the processing of information starts as soon as he finds out I am going away. This involves updating his visual schedule and talking himself through it.

Last week R updated his schedule because I was stalling before I was able to.

For G it is having to listen to R recite the same script over and over and over for the entire time I am away while at the same time trying to convince R that I have not indeed died. Oish.

For me there is that fine line of when to tell him. “You will be gone. You are not coming back.”  It is so hard for me to hear every…single…time R sees me before I leave. Do I feel guilty leaving R at home with G?? Hell no! It just drives me bat sh*t crazy!!!   :)

One thing that has worked so well with Riley has been his visual schedule. If it is on the schedule...it is concrete for him and therefore will be happening. He can see what/when and for how long the activity/event will occur and/or whether it is a desirable one (therefore can stay up on his schedule) or well ummmm...not (will be removed ASAP - see photo below). 

R removed all evidence that I was ever away (with the exception of McD's).

My only saving grace is that after this weekend, the next time "we" put up going away on R's schedule it will be for a family trip. While R keeps asking/hoping to be going on "the big airplane"...it will unfortunately be a "long drive" (13 hours) kind of vacation. A VERY loooong drive indeed. Not sure who is more disappointed about the long drive...me or R?!?  

Although G, R and I all survived the weekend my one and only live plant...well let's just say has seen better days.

Gee...it actually looks rather healthy this picture.  :)  

  Have yourself a great weekend!!!

I'm Leaving......for the weekend!

This morning when I came downstairs I noticed this...

Riley obviously was tired of waiting for me to update his visual schedule. Was I stalling?  Hell yes!!!

While it has not always been this easy to slip away…looks like I am good to go this time. Of course I will be surprising him with McDonald's when I come home.  :)

See you next week!

First Times...Steps Towards Independence

Riley is 17 years old and in grade 11. Scary thought I know. One of R's main IEP (Individual Education Plan/Program) goals has been to work towards his independence.  In less than 2 years he will be considered an adult. Yikes! Soooo…what comes next??? 

In an effort to push Riley to “be all he can be” (incidentally, he has risen to the occasion) sometimes things fall through the cracks. It usually isn’t until something out of the ordinary happens before we realize there’s an issue.

For the third time in a couple of months, Riley went to the wrong class at school. This is very unlike R as he has always used a visual schedule so knows exactly what is going to happen and when. Now we are always "tweaking" R’s supports (this time his visual schedule) in order to try and stay one step ahead of him and keep things challenging. Most times it is successful without any repercussions. Unfortunately…this was not one of them.

I got a call from the school this past Tuesday that they couldn’t find Riley was not where he was supposed to be. After going to all his classes, they did a class by class search, checked all the washrooms, and made an announcement over the PA system. Still no Riley. Now I’m 99.9% sure that R would never leave the school. Riley has never been a bolter. Yet as the time passed, I wasn’t quite as comfortable with that .1% …what if??? By the time the second call came that R was still unaccounted for, G was in the car retracing the route to school. Forty-five minutes after the first call, they located Riley in the gym. He was sitting in the bleachers amongst a class being taught first aid. One of the reasons he hadn’t been noticed when they were looking for him was that he had changed into his PE strip (like he normally would for PE) and they had been looking for him in his street clothes.

You may be thinking to yourselves…what kind of parents are you to sit there and not do anything? Did you not consider calling the police if he was missing for so long? How could the school not know where he was? All valid questions especially if your child is younger.  However, Riley is 17 years old and one of the hardest things we’ve had to learn is to try and let go of control (ever so slowly mind you) that “we” need. All the first times are definitely the hardest. The first time he walked into high school on his own, the first time he walked to class on his own, the first time he walked out of high school on his own, the first time he rode the bus by himself…I get stressed just thinking about it. Yet each and every time (with a lot of coaching and practice) Riley has been able to do it and seeing how proud he is of himself is all the incentive and motivation we need to keep at it.

I have to admit after a “first time” event, there is generally a martini and wine involved on my part. After 17 years…it’s no wonder I have grey hair and G doesn't have any.

Trying to hang in there…D

Ready or Not...Here We Come!!!

In less than 2 days we leave for a family reunion (G’s side) and to celebrate New Year’s at an all-inclusive in Mexico.  Ole!  Up to now we have never travelled outside of Canada/US with R.  Even travelling south of the border could be stressful.  Did you know that, for instance, Lay’s Salt & Vinegar potato chips are packaged in a greeny-blue bag in Canada and a turquoisy-blue bag in the US.  While this may or may not be an issue for most of us…it has been an issue for R.  The bag is “different” therefore the chips must be “different” therefore he doesn’t want them.  

When we all decided the destination would be Mexico, I was excited (I’ve never been to an all-inclusive or the east coast of Mexico), then nervous (what would R eat???), then went into problem-solving mode (we would need suitcases…HUGE suitcases in order to transport a weeks worth of food/cooking supplies).  Of course, I will carry-on the all important “small sieve” for the seasoning packets of Mr. Noodles as, mentioned in my Random Thoughts posting, any visible flecks of green are unacceptable.  As I highly doubt there is a Wal-Mart close by…we will also be packing “back-ups” for most of R’s electronics /accessories that could conceivably break down.

R has been SO focused on “waiting patiently to open his presents” that I had a hard time finding the right moment to tell him we would be going away on vacation to someplace "different".  I mean really…why get him fixated on more than one thing at a time?!?!?  As Riley’s gotten older we can sometimes operate on a “need to know” basis for certain “desirables”.  Even still, being the coward that I am, I waited until after lunch yesterday (Christmas day) when he was upstairs preoccupied with his multitude of new DVD’s before “adjusting” his visual schedule to show going on an airplane and vacation (thankfully both much desired activities).  Luckily putting up new PCS (Picture Communication Symbols) does not involve ripping Velcro, is therefore silent and can be done without R noticing…that is until he walks by. 

He immediately noticed his schedule and muttered to himself “YOU are going away on vacation”.  When I answered enthusiastically with “No, WE are going on vacation TOGETHER on a BIG airplane!”…R responded with “Yahoooo we’re going on a big airplane!”  Not quite sure when I’m going to break it to him it’s going to be a 5-1/2 hour flight.  Oish. 

Five years ago the idea of going outside of North America would’ve never crossed my mind.  So what’s changed?  Over the years R has continued to grow and mature.  We are also very fortunate to have the unconditional support of family and friends which has allowed us the flexibility to try new and different things.  Knowing we could ask for help and being offered help with things like R’s food means so much.  Who knows…maybe R will even acquire a taste for Mexican food and it’ll open up a whole new world of dining experiences when we come home. 

Adios, D