Commencement Ceremonies

As promised here is part 2 of “School’s Out…FOREVER”. The Commencement Ceremonies took place at a downtown theatre. The kids were supposed to be there by 6pm with the ceremonies starting at 7pm and hopefully ending by 10pm. That is a LOT of waiting, sitting, waiting, listening and more waiting especially in Riley World. 

It was a given that Riley would not be able to sit through the 3+ hours so we had decided right after my bout with amnesia that he would arrive part way through the ceremonies, slide into his seat and wait for the “T” surnames to be called. We were given the schedule of events and approximate times the week prior. The Class of 2013 had 287 students.  All we had to do was calculate the approximate time that Riley would walk across the stage. Easy peasy right??? 

Not easily discouraged and having learnt my lesson (yet again) about the importance of preparing Riley, “we” (together with our Fairy Godmother (FG) and R’s SEA-Special Education Assistant) brainstormed and came up with a plan.

1)      Riley had never been to this particular theatre. Would it be possible to go for a tour beforehand? Next best thing was an online virtual tour of the theatre.

2)      Riley loves lists! Writing, reading and crossing off items on lists. We had the names of all the students now all I had to do was make up a list so Riley could follow along and cross off the students as they walked across the stage thereby giving him something to do and keeping his hands busy.

·         I printed the names off on 3x5 recipe cards so they would be small yet easy to handle and kept them together with a ring.

·         I highlighted (in yellow) the names of the students sitting in the row ahead of Riley as a pre-warning.

·         I highlighted (in green) the names of the students in Riley’s row so he would know when it was time for him to line-up in the aisle before going on stage.

3)      Riley World LOVES visual schedules. This time I did not forget.

4)      Riley’s SEA had his iTouch and headphones on standby.

All brilliant ideas right?  Once again thank you FG!!  We were prepared this time. Surely the stress would be kept to a minimum. Surely.   

G and I along with Riley’s "ladies" (his current and past high school SEA’s (3 of them), his Fairy Godmother and his current community worker) arrived for the start of the ceremonies. They all wanted to be there for this momentous occasion.  :)  J2 was in charge of bringing Riley to the theatre later. J2 and I were in contact via text throughout the ceremonies. This time we were prepared.

There were 5 columns of names in the program. Riley was in the last column about 2/3 of the way down. We timed how long the first column took in order to get a rough idea when the last column would start. The texting began:

Things started to move along a little quicker than we had anticipated. Eeep. J2 and Riley should have been able to make it downtown in 15-20 minutes. J2 was going to text when they had parked. I was starting to get nervous.

"Haha"???  To be more precise..."You relax! Haha"!!!  TOO LATE!  I was now IN panic mode.

2 minutes passed. 120 looooong seconds. Time to give J2 a little encouragement. For the first time ever I was glad that tone could not be read into my text message.

That's when I lost it!

You see...my knowledge of the downtown core (particularly street names) is not the best. Once the others assured me they were very close I regrouped. For about 2 minutes. That's when I lost it...again!

That was the end of our conversation. J2 was no longer responding. After another 2 or 3 angst-filled minutes J2 found us. Shortly afterwards Riley appeared. He was all smiles at seeing all his "ladies". He was placed in his proper spot in line. He never did make it to his seat beforehand.

Then it was time for Riley to make his way across the stage.

Click here or on the image to watch Riley walk across the stage.

This was his introduction:
"In his first years at Handsworth Riley was involved in the CIBC Run for the Cure, cross-country running and setting up a Snack Shack.  Outside of school Riley enjoys playing Challengers Baseball and Special Olympics 5-pin bowling, golf and swimming. He would like to thank all the students, teachers and "the ladies" for all their support over the past 14 years. Riley wants to take the summer off but his mom has other ideas."

He walked across the stage like he knew exactly what he was doing. That is until he got to the other side. After a brief moment of "now what the hell am I supposed to do?" he was directed backstage to where his current SEA was waiting for him.

Later the principal told G that as he shook Riley's hand R said to him "Nice to meet you." Always the polite young man. Who cares if this scenario did not exactly fit the greeting.  ;)

Tomorrow the last monumental event of the past month...Riley's 19th birthday!

Until tomorrow...

School's Out...FOREVER!

Where did the month of June go?!? So many things happened in Riley World that I had intended to blog about. Within a 13 day period we celebrated Riley finishing grade 12 with the formal Banquet, the Commencement Ceremonies AND he turned 19 years old! 

To say it has been overwhelming would definitely be an understatement. Not only is Riley done with school FOR.EVER…there will be a huge transition come September.

I am starting to hyperventilate so I think I will just focus on sharing some of the highlights of the final chapters of school life in Riley World.

The Banquet

Suited up and ready to go.

Riley and some of his favourite "ladies". 

The First Dance

Now I am pretty sure the last time Riley danced with a girl was at his Grade 7 Graduation.

I was not about to take the same stance as he did in Grade 7.

We forgot to practice beforehand...which explains the grimaces. 

R & J2 taken towards the end of the night

...out in the hall

...for the third time

...gripping his headphones and iTouch

...thankfully teeth clenched tightly so screaming "CHEEEEZZZ" kept to a dull roar. 

Just 2 years ago we went through all this with J2. Yet this time was different. There would be no pre-Banquet celebrations. No limo rides to the Banquet with friends. No Safe After Grad celebrating.

Did you just heavy sigh?  I am pretty sure you did. As I wrote this I may have let a heavy little sigh slip out too. But to be perfectly honest I never even thought about all that until now. Why?  Because while it was all happening there was too much to think about in the moment.

I forgot about all the energy and excitement in the air from the kids (and parents) being at a fancy hotel dressed up to the nines.

I forgot about how loud it could be in a huge ballroom with a high-ceiling and close to 800 people.

I forgot to go over what the evening would look like with Riley beforehand.

I forgot about the first dance until I saw the program on the table which in turn reminded me that…

I forgot to write up a visual schedule for Riley and...

I forgot to teach Riley HOW.TO. "DANCE"!

Considering all I had ummmm *cough* forgotten about, Riley did remarkably well and being out in the corridor with Riley where it was nice and quiet was a welcome break throughout the evening.  ;)

It is way past my bedtime so I hope you'll come back tomorrow to watch Riley walk across the stage and read about how we celebrated Riley turning 19.  

Until tomorrow...

Riley World Enters Adulthood...

What a crazy couple of weeks! If you follow me on FB...wait...whaaa...you don't?!?!?   Oh.   Ummm...this is a little awkward. Weeelllll...you can either click on the FB icon over on the right or any of these red words and you will be kept in the loop on the latest news in Riley World.  :)

Today will be Riley's last day of high school FOR. EVER. aaand he will be turning 19! Gah!

I know I have been promising to blog about all his grad festivities. To be honest it has been more overwhelming than I expected so I have been operating on a day-by-day basis and staying offline for the most part. Once I get my head wrapped around everything I am sure I will be able to blog about it or ummm...not. Eeep.

But for today...it is a special birthday in Riley World so that is what we are celebrating. If you manage to stay tuned in for the entire ~3-1/2 minutes you will get to see some of those soon-to-be blogged about moments.

How was THAT for a teaser???

Click here or on the photo to see a slideshow/video of the first 19 Chapters in Riley World **

Happy 19th Birthday Riley-man! We are all so proud of you!

** I apologize for missing TH and KP...I could not "locate" pics of you and R.  :(

Getting all "Suited Up" for Graduation!

Image from MorgueFile

High school graduation is just around the corner. For some of Riley’s upcoming grad festivities “proper” dress wear, while not required, would be a good idea since I am pretty sure most kids will not be wearing running pants and t-shirts. You never know though…I could be wrong. So in preparation G had Riley try on J2’s grad suit jacket. Bonus...R looks up to J2 and actually prefers to wear J2’s hand-me-downs as opposed to new clothes. Yah…how many teenagers can you say THAT about?

The following night R came down to eat his 2^nd dinner wearing J2's suit jacket. He had gone into the closet in the guest room, got the jacket out of the suit bag and zipped it back up. He is a sneaky monkey neat and tidy like that.

Now remember…Riley does not appreciate negative feedback. Even if you are calm, anything you say to him that is negative sounding upsets him. When we insisted he not wear the jacket when eating his dinner he got quite agitated.  “SHUT UP YOU STUPID!  I AM GOING TO WEAR MY JACKET ON!”  And something we had not heard before…“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.” You gasped didn't you? I am pretty sure I heard something. I know both G and I were taken aback.

Riley is not an aggressive person. If anything he is overly very sensitive to anger/violence. If you look back at those three statements, one is grammatically correct; one is fairly close and one well…is not. For the most part any out-of-the-ordinary phrases that come out of R’s mouth perfectly are usually lines from a movie that he has watched.

So…here was our dilemma. Do we let him wear the jacket because really…it is just a jacket that can be cleaned if he were to get it dirty; do we “give in" to R’s outburst/need to assert himself OR do we stand our ground that what we were asking was a reasonable request for an 18 year old? Not as simple as one might think. Let me explain. When Riley was younger there wasn’t always an option. He needed immediate reinforcement/ consequence to a request/behaviour otherwise he could not make the connection. Now that he is older the immediate response is not as crucial. We have some leeway.

Instead G went to get one of his old suit jackets. R was not having any part of that. Fine. His choice. He finished eating his dinner sans jacket grumbling the entire time. When he was finished he grabbed J2’s jacket from the chair and started to head upstairs. We stopped him. He was NOT happy. “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.” Cue hitting the wall and screaming “I’M AT A 5!” (This is in reference to the Incredible 5 Point Scale by Kari Dunn Buron). Well at least he was using his words. Oish. Next came the tears. In an effort to diffuse the situation G took R upstairs to show him all his suit jackets and to offer him a choice. R begrudgingly decided on the first jacket...the one G had brought downstairs in the first place. 

About 10 minutes later I went upstairs to check on him. He was not wearing the jacket but had it on the floor around him. He looked up at me and said “I was very angry. I was at a 5.” He was on the verge of tears. I sat down beside him and he broke down. He was pleading with me. “Please. I want to wear J2’s jacket. Pleeeease let me wear it on.”  It broke my heart. The word sure was on the tip of my tongue. He said please. He was remorseful. He so desperately just wanted to wear the jacket. Besides…who was it going to hurt right? J2 had not worn the jacket since his graduation. Yet I just could not bring myself to say yes. Riley is now old enough and has some control over his behaviours. As hard as it can be on the both of us, sometimes he needs a reminder that his behaviours have consequences no matter how trivial they may seem and with R’s cognitive challenges talking it through is not a productive alternative.

When I went to say goodnight later that evening R was still emotional. Tears and pleading to wear J2’s jacket was almost more than I could take. One last Hail Mary and I was ready to accept defeat. I said he could wear J2’s jacket in June for his graduation and we needed to keep it clean until June. R seemed to accept that. That was when the halogen lightbulb blinded me. He now had a timeframe he could work with. 

It has been almost 15 years and I am still learning how one four letter work can make all the difference in Riley World. Oi-vay.

Here is R the following day wearing G's old suit jacket. You can't see but he is wearing shorts with no socks/shoes.  :)

We have since discovered that his need to wear the suit jacket was because James on the DVD cover of "James and the Giant Peach" also wears a suit jacket. Why didn't I think of THAT!?!  

Only One More Year of High School

Tomorrow is the deadline to submit Riley’s course selection for next year.  It will be R’s last year of high school...Grade 12...Graduation.  YIKES!!!  Yes…I am FREAKING out as I’m writing this! 

In the past I have never looked much beyond the current school year or at best a couple of years down the road.  When R was in elementary school, he/things could change so quickly it was hard to plan too far ahead.  There were times when he would grow in leaps and bounds, times when he would be on a steady course and other times when it seemed as if he was going backwards.  Our mantra was always and still is “one day at a time”. 

Next year Riley will graduate with a School Completion Certificate as opposed to a Certificate of Graduation as he has been on a modified program since elementary school.  R’s skill set has been such that his IEP (Individual Education Plan) goals have always been geared towards his social skills and self-help skills in order to work towards his own independence as opposed to academic goals. 

The high school courses available that are suitable and would benefit Riley have gotten more limited as he’s gotten older.  However, over the past two years Riley has participated in the Work Experience program.  This has been very beneficial and has provided him with hands-on work experience in our community at two different businesses, one elementary school library and the once a week delivery of a local newspaper.  He rides public transit to and from work/home and last year started to ride the bus by himself (that’s an entire blog post in itself).  We still meet him at the bus stop at our end as we live on a fairly busy street and street safety is an on-going concern.  Truthfully, G & I are having trouble pulling back from this one.    

So next year Riley will continue with the Work Experience program and prepare to transition into the “real world”.  R seems to be taking it all in stride.  G & me…ummmm…not so much.

*Deep breaths* One day at a time…D